Light Bulb Moments

I was having one of those over-the-fence visits this past week with a friend. I was rambling on about something someone did towards me over five years ago. Usually I am quite careful about keeping a tight lip when someone upsets me because, of course, I am bigger than that. As the words of resentment and anger rolled off my tongue I began to really hear myself talking. Apparently I had really not forgiven this person nor had I moved on from there. Granted, there are "toxic" people in our lives - we all have them - perhaps you can "unfriend" some but oftentimes its family and you're in it for life.
A couple of weeks ago I heard myself talking at that particular time about myself and I had another light bulb moment. Whether it has been an offense by someone else or how I felt toward myself - both were obviously still robbing my energy - stealing my vitality - whatever you want to call it - my negative thoughts and feelings have been like a subtle- yet strong- poison.
The problem with not processing life experiences and how they affect our thoughts and feelings can be blamed for many physical ailments and diseases. As humans we are conditioned by our learned behaviors which essentially become our reality. Yes we are really not any different than Nobel Prize winner, Ivan Pavlov's dogs. The good news is we can also benefit from a little Pavlovian training ourselves by reframing our experiences and changing our outlook towards ourselves, others or even the stimulus in our lives that's acting like that subtle -yet strong- poison.
When someone hurts us or we have a traumatic experience our brains mark it. Consciously it might make no sense at all when we feel that fight or flight response when all is logically fine and dandy. But our brains and our bodies can lock it in whether we want to or are aware of it or not. Sometimes our "on button" gets stuck in and we remain on high alert - even with a thought of the experience or a simple phone call from the "perpetrator".
May is Lupus Awareness month. It is a horrible auto-immune disease. I have done much study on the subject of auto-immune disease. I see a consistent underlying issue - and it lies in the basis of unforgiveness, resentment and self hate. I have watched someone I am very close to and love go into "flare ups" whenever her emotions are upset. Being offended, a sick pet, loss of a friend, an unexpected bill in the mail - it's similar to the flight or flight response - yet it is turned inward. It wreaks havoc in the body on a cellular level. This can last for a long time - incessant torturous pain.
My youngest son was out playing basketball with the neighborhood boys this past weekend. One of the boys is considerably bigger than him - and the only one who happened to be wearing shoes. Sure enough he stepped hard on my son's foot causing him considerable pain and anguish. After a while crying and resting his iced foot on the couch he went back out to play. This time they were playing football and the same boy kicked him in the leg and the pain and anguish started all over again. Now -yes -boys are competitive - even my little 6 year old. But I know the "perpetrator of pain" and I think he's just more clumsy than he is mean. After we spent a little time talking it out between the two of them and apologies being made -the realization sank in for my son that the other boy does not have it in his heart to hurt him - my son began to feel better. Yes- you got it -the pain dramatically left and harmony with the world returned. Off to play again.
There are always 2 sides to every story. So often we get stuck in our messy perceptions. Has this ever happened to you where another person from year's past stomped on your foot and kicked you in the knee? Over the years have you been doing it to yourself? If you've ever had someone you should be able to trust offend or hurt you or didn't protect you- sometimes we wind up believing the lie that something must be wrong with me and I deserved it.
We need to get a new light bulb moment - one that detoxifies our perceptions. To know that each of us are deeply loved and accepted - by others, ourselves and by the one who created us. Here's to your light bulb moment(s) this week! I'm rooting for you.